I Must Be Dreaming. . .

Rapid City is off--Gillette is on.

I talked to Lisa today. It was good to hear from her, she reminded me that I'm excited to finally be leaving Madison, not just because of this thing with John--although that's happy, too.

However, I'm almost worried it's a dream, how can it be real? I'm talking into a box, and I hear him. . . And his voice is saying things I've wanted to hear for so long, how could I not wonder? I never thought this would happen, I thought our chance had passed years and years ago. But, here we are, and, at times, it's too fantastic to believe. I think I'll feel better about this when he comes for my birthday; it'll be so good to see him and talk to him face-to-face, even if all we do is repeat everything we've already said, I'll get to see him, gauge his body language and facial expressions. . . And finally see the sincerity I need.

It's so silly that I'm practically scared of this--at least, some of it. In the last eight-ten years, I've felt like all of my guy friends have left me--moved away, got married (which is practically moving away as they aren't in my ward anymore so I barely ever see them), died--and I'm scared he will, too. Not like he'd abandon me on purpose, but what if he dies? I don't know if I could handle that, not now. Eventually, yes. Oh, what a cruel twist of fate that would be, after so much wishful thinking and suddenly having those wishes come to life, only to shudder and die before the light of day. Yes, a tad dramatic, but I don't think that makes my concern invalid. Especially in light of the Fanbike incident, his falling off a three story building, car accidents. . . As far as I know, it's been a couple years since anything life-threatening has happened to him, but that doesn't help.

I have no idea how to express this to him--I don't know if I can, not even sure he has the capacity to understand this fully. One thing's for sure--it's definitely not a phone conversation. And it's probably premature to boot. So, all I can do for now is to tell him to take care. And worry, yes, always that. *sigh!* And, yes, I'll try to remember to talk to my therapist about this next time I see her.

In other news: I have found a new set of muscles that are sore, funnily enough, lower front right abdomen--yes, that's correct, just the one side. I'm not sure how it happened, either--yoga today didn't do anything for it--maybe laughing so much at xkpc comics? That's all I can come up with for that. And I've discovered that my right thigh stretches more easily than my left one. Why can't I ever be symmetrical in any part of my body? And my capris feel bigger.

Oh, and Meghan and I have started looking into apartment fixes. I think this will end up working! And there's the excitement again! And I'll leave you on that note. :)